How the devil are you? Why is the question. Why the devil am I? Why. Why. Why?. That's what everyone keeps asking me. Why?. What's this new image all about?. You look like a Puerto Rican pimp on honeymoon. It's all about Cuba. Summer holidays. Have one of these (proffers mini-cigar and light). See what you think. Your image might change. (Puff puff) That's really disgusting. You're not really going to interview me, are you? Certainly am I knew I should have left earlier. It's a buffet lunch too and I'm used to silver service. You're looking well. A picture of youth in a four-poster bed. A picture of Daddy overhead. Oh, God gave you beauty, og, God made you true. But you know, you've got to give the devil his due How very true that is. How many of these things are you smoking a day? I only smoke at night. With the lights on. Or in the afternoon with them off. I just do what I'm told. What do you think of when you think of Q? Uhhm. Questions and answers. Quick. Quantity. Quality. Queens. Queer-bashing. Do you like Oasis? (Cockney accent) Yeah, they're all right. I really like them. Good album. How did you de-Zoo TV yourself?. I turned my telly off. It was simple. Has your white dot receded? Out of view. There was nothing left. The transmission had well and truly run its course. Did you keep thinking, God it's nine o'clock, I'm going to have to go on stage in a minute? Yeah, it got a bit messy. But nothing a five-year-old child couldn't sort out. How are the little loves? Ah, great. What the king of the vegetable kingdom? The king of the vegetable kingdom? Did you hear about the popular vegetarian who died? No what happened to the popular vegetarian who died? There was a big turn-up at his funeral! Turn-up, turnip. So, today, it would be a big turnip What is the prince of cheeses? Cheese. The prince of cheeses. Can I have Galtee?. Are you going to ask a hundred questions?. That's an awful lot of questions. (groans) I might have to owe you 50 or so. (Sings) "You say you've lost your love/Well I saw her yesterday/It's you she's thinking of." This is a duet. We're both smoking. Your chest has got very hairy. Well, I have to tell you something and I hate to do this in public but (opens frankly Hawaiian shirt). Someone shaved it recently. Whatever for? For medical reasons. They put a whole pile of pincers to my heart. I did an insurance medical and apparently I have what's known in the business as an eccentric heart. What does it mean? Irregular beats? Irregular beats! I can't keep it in four four. Have you found your chest has got hairier in recent years? Hairier. Not as well as your head. That's really doing great. Where is Bob Geldof? Have you seen him recently? Not in a while. But Bob is with us. He is everywhere. Ever present. Ever ready. Ask me another. How have you evolved as a person? Viva devolution. I met Paula Yates when I was 17 and she made me feel 17. In fact she made me feel seven. We met in McGonagal's in Dublin. The Crystal Ballroom where my mother and father used to dance and it was turned into a punk club in the late '70s. Did you fancy her immediately? I fancied Bob, actually. I was trying to get to him through her. I was going to use Paula as a condom. How much do you fancy Michael Hutchence? How much? I fancy his shoes. Start whit the shoes and lick your way up. The rest could sort itself out. But that would be the way with Mick, I reckon. At this juncture, I'd like to (lifts shoe on to table) present… They seem to be made out of parquet flooring. Good band INXS, aren't they? I really like them. When did you last have a smoochie dance? A real smoochie dance? I danced every night under a mirror ball with a young lady from the Zoo TV crowd. Every night during Love Is Blindness. They were amazing. I love it so much. Some nights I fell in love. I never really spoke to these people, but that's OK. Did it feel intimate? Sometimes. And sometimes I'd have to gently tell them to be quiet. SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC! That type of thing. But very rarely. I was a gentleman most times. And since then, smoochie dance-wise? Well, now you're asking. What's the story of your necklace? You're worn it for a long time now. (Fingers silver link necklace) It's a Jacqueline Raven. Do you know Jacqui Raven? She's the best designer of jewellery in the country. What car are you driving at the moment? I've a 1974 Cortina. Lemon. A good car for seeing rocn'n'roll. Any thoughts on the Vauxhall Viva 1100? Sturdy car. Has Macphisto gone? He's gone to bed, covered his head and won't get up till Monday. Where does he live? I don't want to know any more. I've had it with him. Although they asked his to star in Batman, which I thought was quite a good idea. Here put these on (removes dark glasses, places them on reporter's nose and takes a Polaroid). There! That's your first album cover. Why have you persisted with the sunglasses? I have to have the goggles because of their posing…um..um…posing…erm, posing…what's the word I'm looking for?. Posing pouch? Yes, posing pouch. They have a certain posing pouch appeal. They are also very handy if you have a migraine. They protect the baby blues. Do you get migraines? Yeah, I get them from flash guns. Tell us a joke. No! That's the joke. Where are you off to? There are duties to perform. Babies to talk to, politicians to kiss on the head. Gotta go. See you later, man. And don't forget. Viva rock'n'roll. Viva the Vauxhall Viva! Viva Las Vegas! See ya, baby! What was he? Drunk or something???